Society Jokes / Recent Jokes

TO: Those in our society who criticize seniors in our society for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world. FROM: The Seniors MESSAGE: We take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others. BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took: -The melody out of music, -The pride out of appearance, -The romance out of love, -The commitment out of marriage, -The responsibility out of parenthood, -The togetherness out of the family, -The learning out of education, -The service out of patriotism, -The Golden Rule from rulers, -The civility out of behavior, -The refinement out of language, -The dedication out of employment, -The prudence out of spending, or -The ambition out of achievement, -Prayers & Christmas out of the public schools -The acceptance of lying and deceit from presidents, -And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!! more...

The other day some friends and I were discussing one of the few
recurrent philosophical topics that come up in our conversations:
society as a whole. It was taking its usual course; one of my friends
insisted that society was going to hell, the other was somewhat
neutral, and I thought that people were simply becoming more tolerant
of differences.
My first friend announced (again) that society was on a steady
down-hill road. "Everyone today," she said, "is either messed up in
the head, a druggie, or a nymphomaniac."
My other friend laughed and nodded. Never having heard the word
before, I puzzled over what' nymphomaniac' could mean.
Trying not to sound stupid, I swallowed my pride and asked, "What's
that?"
"A girl who's obsessed with sex," explained my second friend.
I paused for a moment, thinking. I then turned and asked them, "Then
what is a guy obsessed with more...

Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison lightbulb so it'll be aesthetically accurate.

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

The other day some friends and I were discussing one of the few recurrent philosohical topics that come up in our conversations: society as a whole. It was taking its usual course; one of my friends insisted that society was going to hell, the other was somewhat neutral, and I thought that people were becoming more tolerating of differences.
My first friend announced (again) that society was on a steady down-hill road. “Everyone today, ” she said, “Is messed up in the mind, a druggie, or a nymphomaniac. ”
My other friend laughed and nodded. Never having heard the word before, I puzzled over what ‘nymphomaniac’ could mean.
Trying not to sound stupid, I swallowed my pride and asked, “What’s that? ”
“A girl who’s obsessed with sex, ” explained my second friend.
I paused for a moment, thinking. “Then what, ” I asked, “Is a guy obsessed with sex? ”
My first friend had an answer immediately, “Normal! ”

Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society: Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. A bus carrying five more...

The residents of Silicon Valley are more confused than usual after a billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America used this line in an ad slogan "MS, it's not a software company"... exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether worthier cause.
Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a surly silence by Microsoft, which doesn't relish the association of ideas but is painfully aware that it can't afford to appear insensitive over such an issue.
Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling the two MSs apart One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest task.
The other is a disease.
[Thanks to DZ]