Slightest Jokes

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a more...

I'll tell you a short poem;
I'll try to make it quick.
The subject is quite simple:
The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things;
You ladies should be jealous.
An organ surrounded by sensitive skin
That's smooth and rarely hairless
It starts to grow dramatically,
When you're about thirteen.
Your testicles on either side;
Your willy in between.
It dangles neatly down below;
Soft, obedient and loyal.
At the slightest hint of lust,
It's ready to uncoil.
It often has a mind all of its own;
It's like a wild untamed beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out;
When you expect it least.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves;
Erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off;
Just when you wish it wouldn't.
And during the summer,
wearing little, sunning on the beach
The slightest sight of shaking boobs
Makes it squirm just like a leech.
Handle it with love and more...

If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists, the event will take place, preferably during a demonstration.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

If there isn`t a law, there will be.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of 10 it will.

If there is light at the end of the tunnel... order more tunnel.

If things were left to chance, they would be better.

If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.

If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!

If you aim for the stars but only make it to the moon, remember there are people who have not yet made it to the moon.

If you are already in a hole, there is no use to continue digging.

If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists, the event will take place, preferably during a demonstration.