Sleigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for more...

With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?

1. Rather than milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note stating that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in your house, find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note saying you're away on holidays and asking if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in your house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas, then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes wild when he sees a little red cape, just wait until he sees that big, red, Santa suit.
6. Throw a surprise party for him when he comes down the chimney and refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
7. While he's still in your house, find his sleigh and sit in it. When he comes back out and sees you, tell him he never should have missed that last payment, and take off.
8. Leave a plate filled with freshly baked cookies and a glass of milk out, more...

Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that
big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs
that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way more...

I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. However, there are a few differences between us such as:
There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
Instead of milk and cookies, more...

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be serving the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population on earth, my contract has been renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves. I now serve only certain areas of Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin.
As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. While he shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, there are a few differences between us...
There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. Bubba has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.
Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that more...