"Fun Ways To Confuse Santa" joke

1. Rather than milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note stating that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in your house, find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note saying you're away on holidays and asking if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in your house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas, then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes wild when he sees a little red cape, just wait until he sees that big, red, Santa suit.
6. Throw a surprise party for him when he comes down the chimney and refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
7. While he's still in your house, find his sleigh and sit in it. When he comes back out and sees you, tell him he never should have missed that last payment, and take off.
8. Leave a plate filled with freshly baked cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, 'For The Tooth Fairy'. Leave another plate out with a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass, with a note that says, 'For Santa'.
9. Remove everything from your house, as if it's just been robbed. Then, when Santa arrives, show up in a policeman's uniform and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of a crime."
10. Leave him a copy of your Christmas wish list, with last minute changes and corrections.
11. While he's in your house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
12. Leave numerous hunting trophies and guns out where Santa is sure to see them. Go outside and yell, "Look, a deer! And he has a red nose!" and fire a gun.
13. Leave a Santa suit out, with a dry cleaning bill.
14. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney and wait for Santa to get caught in it. Then, quickly apologize and explain that, from a distance, he looked like a bear.
15. Paint 'hoof-prints' all over your face and clothes. While he's in your house, go out onto the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been trampled and threaten to sue.
16. Rather than the usual Christmas ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
17. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to arrive and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."