Situation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tired of being a golf widow, a woman took up the game and wound up playing with her husband on a country course one day. He hit his drive way off into the rough, behind a barn. She came over to take a look, surveyed the situation, and suggested that if he opened both barn doors he could hit his ball straight through the barn to the green.
He saw this as an excellent idea, complimented her for her suggestion, then opened the doors and stepped up to the ball. He made a swing and great contact. Unfortunately, the ball was off line, careened off the door frame, hit the wife in the head and killed her.
Years went by, the man finally remarried, and this time found himself a golfer for a wife. Incredibly, the same situation occurs. The man is in the rough behind the same barn. His new wife took a look at his ball and suggested that he could make the green if he opened both barn doors and hit through the barn.
"No way," he replied. "I can't do more...

...a potentially deadly hostage situation came to an end after one shopper was able to call 9-1-1 for help...the shopper was able to give police detailed information about the situation. When the operator asked the shopper what she saw, she replied: 1. There were 3 hostages. 2. There were 2 gunman. 3. Toilet paper was on sale for $2.19.

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.
You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature more...

One that my 12 year old son brought home from school:
Bush and Gorbachev decided to get themselves frozen for a hundred years to see
how the current political situation resolved itself. After the time was up
they were thawed, and started to read newspapers to catch up on the situation.
Gorbachev started to laugh. In response to Bush's question he said, "I see that
the dollar is still getting weaker."
Then Bush started to laugh. In response to Gorbachev's question of why, he
said, "I read that there is renewed fighting on the German-Chinese border."

A mother and her convent-raised young daughter were riding in taxi one evening through a midtown block notorious for early hour street solicitation. "What are all these women waiting for, mother?" the girl asked.
"They're probably meeting their husbands there after work," replied the woman hastily.
"Aw, c'mon lady," grumbled the taxi-driver, "why don'tcha tell her the truth? She's young enough."
"Please mom," said the girl, "I want to know."
Looking daggers at the back of the driver's head, the woman carefully explained the situation. When she had finished, the daughter asked, "But, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"They grow up," the woman replied, "and become taxi-drivers."

I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do. The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed. Let`s say that you`re a photographer and getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across Osama bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. So, here`s the question and think carefully before you answer the question below:
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The following journal entry has been "borrowed" from a federal employee, whose name and occupation have been withheld for his or her protection.Dear Diary,Today was the same as any other day. I got to work 5 hours early in order to find parking in the Menial Federal Employee Parking Lot. It's mandatory that all employees park in the lot, although there are only 10 spots for 400 employees, but there is ample street parking.Then there is the Supervisor Lot, which has 50 spots for 2 supervisors. Our cars will be immediately towed if we park in the Supervisor Lot. Actually, one of the two supervisors does nothing but make sure that nobody else parks in the Supervisor Lot. He's currently making a six-figure salary.At the door, I had to show my building card to the security guard. He started telling me about his wife's problems. I told him I need to get to work, and he reminded me of the clause in my contract that stated that I have to listen to every story he wants to tell me.Six more...