Sit Jokes / Recent Jokes

by Every guy in America: 1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done. 2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to includesomething from each of the four major male food groups: * ** Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red. * **3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. 4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt. 5. Shopping is not fascinating. 6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. 7. Unless the answer is yes. 8. In which case, can he videotape it? 9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes. 10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. 11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny. 12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada. 13. Any more...

See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably. Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say;' Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.' Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt:' The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?' After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with,' Of course I was totally hammered at the time.' Inquire on office policy of friends staying over. Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for' 2000 Flushes'. Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier. Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor. Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job. Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving. Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up. Ask the secretary if more...

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the more...

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time." "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam." "Virgin like balloon. . . one prick, all gone." "Baseball wrong. . . man with four balls cannot walk!" "Work to become, not to acquire." "Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard." "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose." "Find old man in dark, not hard!" "Man who smoke pot choke on handle." "Ok for shit to happen. . . will decompose." "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache." "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind." "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk." "Don't drink and park, accidents cause people." "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser." "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn more...

Q: How do u get 4 gay men to sit on 1 stoll? A: you turn it over! Sent by gms38

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
" They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
" This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
" Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
" I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
" I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
" I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
" Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
". .. in Jesus' name. Amen."
You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different more...