Shout Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Point Dares:Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
Don't use any punctuation.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen. Three Point Dares:Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you more...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There aint no Lord!!"Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didnt."The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

Some are getting tired of this ongoing saga. Since the media won't give it a rest and move on, we recommend playing the following game during any network or local news shows, "special reports," news magazines (i.e.,Dateline, 20/20, etc), talk shows, or any other appropriate TV shows.

Guaranteed to make watching this story more entertaining or your money back!

Beverages required to play the game: Each player must have a beer handy, a liquor appropriate for pouring shots is also required (tequila or rum is preferred).

RULES OF PLAY

- If a TV announcer says "Castro" everyone in the room must salute with their left hand. The last person to do so must take a shot. If anyone salutes with their right hand accidentally, they also have to take a shot.

- If the photo of the SWAT "gunman" is shown, everyone must act scared. The last person to do so must take a shot and then go into a closet until he is more...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. more...

You Might Be a Cop if...
* People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.
* Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
* You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
* You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
* You believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.
* When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.
* You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."
* You call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.
* You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.
* You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse`s trainer meets him before the race and says, ``All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, `ALLLLEEE OOOP!` really loudly in the horse`s ear. Providing you do that, you`ll be fine.``

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer`s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers `Aleeee ooop` in the horse`s ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ``It`s no good, I`ll have to do it,`` and yells, ``ALLLEEE OOOP!`` really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for more...