Shoulder Jokes / Recent Jokes

(where "pppphhhhhbbbttttt" equals sticking you tongue between your
lips and blowing air. A pseudo Bronx cheer.)
A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks
up the the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for
himself and for the little Leprechaun.
Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally
the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder, trots down the bar
and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks
at the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbttttttt" right to the
big guy's face.
Well the Leprechaun trots on back on hops back onto his buddy's shoulder.
The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on
this breach of manners.
After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and
again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbttt"
to the more...

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a faggot and he didn't care."
The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off... watch and learn."
So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch this."
So the third Englishman walked over to more...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

The two college football players knew that if they failed this final exam, they would be placed on academic probation and wouldn't be permitted to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank and the final question was, "Old McDonald had a _______."
Poor Bubba was really stumped. He knew he needed to get this one right to pass. Checking to make sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssssst, Tiny," Bubba whispered, "what the answer to the last question?"
Tiny made sure the professor hadn't noticed, then turned to Bubba and said, "Gee Bubba, you sure are dumb. Everyone knows Old McDonald had a farm."
"Right, I remember now," Bubba said. He picked up his pencil to fill in the answer and immediately stopped.
Tapping Tiny on the shoulder again, he whispered, "How do you spell farm?"
"You really are stupid, Bubba," Tiny replied. more...

One night, just after going to bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm.
The wife turned over and said, "Not tonight, dear. I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh."
A few minutes later, the husband tapped his wife on the shoulder again and whispered, "Do you have a dental appointment tomorrow too?"

There was this guy that whent bear huntning and seen a large bear by a clearing, he aimed and fired and the bear dropped. that hunter ran up to look for the bear and it wasnt there, about that time the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead "you have two choices, i can kill you and eat you or screw you a while", the hunter didn't want to die so he let the bear have his way with him and left.
he was mad as hell whent back the next day with a 7 mm mag and sure enough there was the bear in the same place. he took aim and fired and the bear dropped, he ran up to get the bear and there was no bear. the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead, "same deal as yesterday". so the hunter let the bear have his way with him again and he left madder than before. he when't home and got a 300 weatheby Mag and whent back to the same lpace and sure enough there was the bear again. he took realy carefull aim and fired and the bear more...

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...