Short Jokes / Recent Jokes

Even a two button mouse gives him too many options.

Evidence for the theory of a missing link.

Failed the Turing test.

Fell out of the family tree.

Fifty-one cards short of a full deck.

Fighting the war with a starter pistol / water pistol / pop gun / cap gun.

Finds a flat by swapping tires.

Finds canonical humor collections amusing.

Finds Sesame Street / knock-knock jokes challenging.

Fired from McDonald's for having a short attention span.

Fired her retro-rockets a little late.

Flaky.

Flat out like a lizard drinking.

Flying/landing on one engine.

Focused like a 12 gauge shotgun.

Eat up all your spinach, Son. It'll put colour in your cheeks.
But who wants to have green cheeks?

Off by one.

Off his rocker/trolley.

Oil doesn't reach his dipstick.

On permanent leave of absence from his senses.

On the batting end of a no-hitter.

One bit short of a byte/word.

One board short of a porch.

One boot stuck in the sand.

One bumper/rail short of a bank shot.

One bun/donut short of a dozen.

One car short of a chase scene.

One card/marble shy of a full deck.

One chip short of a megabyte.

One clearance short of landing/taking off.

One color short of color-coordinated.

Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?
In case he got a hole in one.

Since Santa knows if we've been bad or good, here are some, what
shall we say?. .. "inventive holiday ways" to call someone a nit
wit, and not upset Santa.
- A couple of shingles short of a full roof.
- A few pies short of a holiday.
- A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
- All wax and no wick.
- Batteries not included.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- His chimney's clogged.
- He got his brains as a stocking filler.
- Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
- A few presents short of a full sleigh.

Mona, you've been a long time putting salt in the salt-cellar.
Well, Mom, you can't get much at a time through that little hole in the top.

Man - A Chemical AnalysisElement: Man Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole) Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4inches. Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs) Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen. Physical properties: a) Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God. c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol). d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo (Snore... zzzzz). f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature. g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year. i) Often damaged as a direct more...