Shore Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing
only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race
were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the
shore and was declared the fastest swimmer. About 40 minutes
later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared
the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and
promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the
reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race,
she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but
I think those two other girls were using their arms."

Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters?
He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help. As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins -- great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer.
To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins, and escorted him safely to shore.
When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered, "Professional courtesy."

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.
233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too more...

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second more...

There were three men in a boat halfway across the lake. The first man suddenly said, "I forgot my lunch," got out of the boat, and walked to shore on top of the water.

Later, the second man said, "I forgot my fishing tackle," and also walked across the water to shore.

By this time, the third man thought to himself, "They're not going to outsmart me. I forgot my bait can," and he started to walk across the water, but he sank.

The first man said to the second, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got' em."