Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was shopping at our local supermarket.When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme.As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,"Paper or plastic?""It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."
Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)1. Elementary map reading2. Crying and law enforcement3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it.")7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")13. How to earn your own money14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry17. Yes, you can fill up more...
Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn't find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue. After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. "Mark," she called to her co-worker, "what are we calling black this year?"
Wal-Mart Stores Inc. will cut about 11,200 jobs at Sam's Club warehouses as it turns over the task of product demonstrations to an outside company A spokesman for Wal-Mart said the jobs will be outsourced to India. So if you want to sample the onion dip before buying it, you'll have to fly to Calcutta.
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN:
Once again, the male staff will be offering courses to women of all marital
status. Please note, homework is mandatory. Attendance in at least 10 of
the following courses is not mandatory.
Combatting the Impulse to Nag
You Can Change the Oil Too
PMS - Learning to Sleep Over at Mother's
How to Fill a Beer Mug
We do not want Stationary for Christmas - PUT ON SLEAZY UNDERTHINGS
Understanding the Female Cause of Male Drunkenness
How to Do All Your Laundry in One Load and Have More Time to Watch Football
Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children so You Could Have Someone Other Than Him to Boss Around
How Not to Sob Like a Sponge When Your Husband is Right
Get a Life - Learn to Kill Spiders Yourself
Balancing a Checkbook - Even You Can Get it Right
You, the Whining Sex
Reasons to Give _ _ _ _ _ _ _ S
How to Stay Awake During Sex
Why it is Unacceptable to Talk About Placentas During more...
...a potentially deadly hostage situation came to an end after one shopper was able to call 9-1-1 for help...the shopper was able to give police detailed information about the situation. When the operator asked the shopper what she saw, she replied: 1. There were 3 hostages. 2. There were 2 gunman. 3. Toilet paper was on sale for $2.19.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8: 30AM, the store's opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he complained to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!"