Shake Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had
genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock toall no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would more...

Question: What is the difference between classical and disco music?
Answer: With classical music listeners shake their heads; with disco music they shake their legs.

Two guys are on duty at a french foreign legion fort. One says to the other one, "See that camel over there? I'll bet you I can make him jump 30 feet in the air. The other guy says "No way". The first guy walks around to the back of the camel with two bricks, reaches in between the camel's legs and crashes the bricks together. The camel jumps 30 feet in the air. A couple of days later the first guy says to the second guy, "I bet you I can make that camel nod his head yes, then shake his head no." The second guy says, "You got me last time, but there's no way you can make that dumb animal nod his head yes then shake it no." The first guy takes the same two bricks, walks around to the front of the camel, holds up the bricks and says, "Remember what I did last time?". (Camel nods). "Want me to do it again?"

Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical SupportQ: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it.Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.

The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
Pick it up and shake it
What's the short cut for Undo?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I create a New Document window?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
Pick it up and shake it
What is the proper procedure for rebooting my more...

The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.

Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
Pick it up and shake it

What's the short cut for Undo?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I create a New Document window?
Pick it up and shake it

How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
Pick it up and shake more...