Scotland Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland. He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives his mail with adhesive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England`s head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland. He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland, and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - more...

    It is the world cup qualifiers in 2006 Brazil vs Scotland Carlos says "We can't be bothered to play Scotland they are to easy".
    "I'll take them on single handedly" Ronaldo said. "You go to the pub."
    So later on they check the score Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
    Scotland 0
    Then they turn it of later on they say "the game should be finished check the score". Ronaldo 1 10: 00 mins
    Scotland 1 89: 00 mins
    Then Ronaldo comes down and says "I let you down" NO you didn't you got a draw Carlos said "No I did I got sent of in the 12th minute.

    Q. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
    A. Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

    An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician (it is said) were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field.

    "How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all scottish sheep are black!"

    To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"

    The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."

    When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?""Well," explained Jock "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all

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