Physicist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment.
    The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room.
    The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed."
    The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out.
    The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in.
    He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling.
    The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?"
    The physicist smiles and replied, "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"

    An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, "How much is two plus two?" Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, "How much is two plus two?" The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for more...

    An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener. .."

    Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

    A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street caf

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