Scheme Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the height of intelligence?
Answer: a 99 year old sardar going for hutch ka naya lifetime scheme.
An elderly and rich bania, mean in money matters, acquired a pretty young wife who was a spendthrift. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife the habit of saving. He presented her with a small tin box with a slit in its lid, locked it and put the key in his pocket.' Meyree Jaan/ he said to her,' every time you let me kiss you, I will put a five rupee coin into the box through this slit on top. At the end of the month I will unlock it. All the money in it will be yours to spend as you like.'
The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and her elderly husband was quite happy to part with five rupee coins for what he got in return.
At the end of the month, with a grand gesture he produced the key from his pocket and unlocked the box. What he saw did not please him because there were many ten and twenty rupee notes in the box.' Where did these come from?' he demanded angrily.' I've only been putting in five rupee coins.'
'Not everyone more...
Everybody should believe in something, I believe I’ll have another beer.
Everybody’s gotta be someplace.
Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everybody should believe in something, I believe I`ll have another beer.
Everybody`s gotta be someplace.
Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
FROM: Human Resources
TO: All staff
RE: Early retirement:
Due to the current financial situation and probable merger, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 35 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as Retiring Active Personnel Early (RAPE).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). The situation of persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Subsistance Conditions for Retired Early Workers). A person may only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice but SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
Should an employee be refused a SCREW, he can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earning for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Persons staying on will receive more...
Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates... INSTRUCTIONSAnaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forgetsome ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top ofyour list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823, 542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, there will be at least: * 0. 5 Miss Worlds,* 2. 5 supermodels,* 463 wild nymphos,* 3, 234 good-looking nymphos,* 20, 198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,* and 40, 198 bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64, 294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, andtastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, youroriginal package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!! One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of hisfriends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he senther off in, with the same old more...