Schedule Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. so every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. in the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. this went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. the shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. one germ said, 'I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there'.
A second exclaimed, 'I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there.'
The last germ said, 'I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!'

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.

"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.

"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.

"Your right. It's mine."

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.
"Your right. It's mine."

Although scheduled for all-night duty at the station, a police officer was relieved of duty early and arrived home at 3AM, a few hours ahead of schedule.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, quietly crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed when his sleepy wife sat up and said, "Sweetheart, I have a horrible headache. Would you mind getting me some aspirin from the all-night drug store?"
"Sure, honey," he replied. Feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
When he entered, the pharmacist looked up in surprise and asked, "Hey, aren't you Office Fields?"
"Yes, I am," replied the officer.
"Then why are you wearing the Fire Chief's uniform?" the druggist asked.

Iraqi Prime Time Television Schedule ***
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "When Kurds Attack"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Me"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, more...

The program manager couldn't grasp the idea of gathering requirements at the start of a project. "At a project kickoff meeting, which he had neglected to actually invite the customer to, we had a lot of discussion around what the software we were creating was supposed to do," says a programmer on the team. "I suggested putting together a requirements teleconference with the customer to clarify their ideas and goals." PM's response? "I was told we were already behind schedule and didn't have time to meet with the customer."