Sarcastic Jokes

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat.

"This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me."

The daughter nods in agreement.

"And I think this fur coat would be perfect too."

The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor, dumb creature has to suffer so that you can have this."

"Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.

The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, "Are you my friend?" or is it "Are you the one who killed my brother?"

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French."
The interview ended.

You know you're Italian when. . . .

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block.

All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50, 000 on your first communion.

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.

My sister and I were out on the town one night when we ran into a man I knew. "You're sisters?" he asked incredulously.
Pointing to her nose and my chin, my sister said, "Different plastic surgeons."