Sand Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot, everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "Youre in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "Youre in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "Youre in charge of supplies."The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back."A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched. Pointing to the pile of sand, the forman says to the Italian, "Why didnt you sweep any of it?"The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom. You tella the Chinesea guy he inna charge of a supplies, but hea disappeara, and I coulda no finda him!"Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks, " Didnt I tell you to shovel that sand?"The Scotsman more...

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Eddie visits his church to confess. He sits down in the confessional and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have used foul language, and took the Lord's name in vain." The priest says, "It's OK son. Tell me what happened." Eddie says, "Well father, I was golfing with my buddy. We're very competitive.
It was the 18th hole and we were tied. His tee shot went straight down the fairway and my tee shot went into the rough."
The priest says, "Oh I see, you were angry with your shot and cursed." "No father, I didn't curse at that time. My buddy's next shot reached the green, my next shot went into the sand."
The father chuckles and says, "Well, one can see why you were angry then. Is this when you took the Lord's name in vain?" "Not then father. My shot from the sand landed 2 inches from the cup.
So close!"
The priest says, "Oh my. I see why you were so angry.
So that's when more...

There was this guy who really took care of his body, he lifted weights and jogged six miles everyday. One morning he was admiring himself in the mirror and noticed he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis which he readily decided to do something about.
He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis which he left sticking out.
Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one was using a cane.
Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with the cane. She said to her companion "There really is no justice in the world!"
Her companion replied "What do you mean?" The little old lady said "Look at that:
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
And now that more...

The first grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial discrimination,' I'll give more...

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not more...