Safe Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safe deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat
the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second Safe deposit box and
there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safe deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said "Well, at least we got a free meal out of it."
The next day, while listening to the news they more...
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...
A true story that happened in Prague about 15 years ago.
A gang "visited" an office during the night to pick up the safe but they could not open it.
To revenge, they took all keys they found in the office and went to throw them in the river. They were arrested just after they got rid of the last one, only some key tags remained in their pockets.
One of them read: "Keys for the safe."
Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.
Stosh and Stan were recently laid off when they decided to rob a bank. They planned for weeks so that everything would go smoothly when the heist took place. Stosh's job was to crack open the safe and detain the manager and Stan's job was to grab the money from the safe and the teller windows.
When the robbery took place, Stan gathered up all the money from the tellers but when he got to the safe, it was all tied up and the manager had a strange look on his face.
"STOSH!" Stan cried out. "I said BLOW THE SAFE and TIE UP THE MANAGER."
(For those of non-Polish descent, Stosh and Stan are well known "old world" Polish names)