Rubbed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    He laid her on the table.
    So white clean and bare.
    His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
    He rubbed her here and there.
    He touched her neck and then her breast.
    And then drooling felt her thigh.
    The slit was wet and all was set,
    He gave a joyous cry.
    The hole was wide... he looked inside.
    All was dark and murky.
    He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
    And then he stuffed the turkey.

    A man walks in to the local pub holding a medium sized box. He places the box on the bar, takes a seat and asks the bar tender "if I show you something amazing, will you give me a free pint" the bar tender thinks for a while and agrees. The customer gently removes the lid of the box to reveal a small man playing away at a classical piano. The bar tender begins to pour a pint and asks in amazement "where did you get that" the customer responds "just outside the pub, I found a dented lamp in the rubbish, I rubbed it and out came a gene who granted me only one wish". The bar tender handed over the pint and asked "may I have the lamp so I could also have a wish". The customer didn't respond but smiled and put the lamp on the bar. The bar tender rubbed the lamp and out came a gene, "you have awaken me from me sleep, if you let me rest I will let you have one wish" the bar tender quickly says "I wish I had a million bucks" suddenly more...

    One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

    Two blokes are sitting in the doctors waiting room, so to pass the time start to chat to each other. They get to why they are here and the first one, Mr Smith, says "Well, it's kind of embarrassing really, but I got this red ring round the shaft of my. .. you know. .. penis." "Hey that's amazing," says Mr Jones, "I got a green ring round mine. I feel a lot better knowing I aint some kind of freak."

    So both feeling somewhat relieved, they talk about football and horse racing until Mr Smith is called in to see the doctor. Ten minutes later, Mr Smith returns, a wide grin on his face. On the way to the door, he quickly says to Mr Jones, "Hey no worries, he rubbed in some liquid with a cloth and it came off. You'll be out in no time. See ya buddy."

    Feeling better, Mr Jones goes in to the doctor when called. He explains his problem, drops his trousers, and lets the doctor have a look. "It's serious I'm afraid Mr Jones, It more...

    A man found a brass lamp, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
    "For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
    The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
    "Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."

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