Ringing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four international businessmen are on the golf course, and there is a ringing sound.
The Canadian guy goes to his golf bag, pulls out his cellular phone and talks for a minute with his office.
"Very important to be in touch these days," he says.
"Yes," his golfing partners agree. A little bit later another, a different ring is heard, and the American golfer holds his hand up to his head (as if to imitate talking on the phone) and starts talking in what is clearly a real conversation.
After the call he explains to his friends, "It's the very latest in cellular technology - a speaker is attached to my thumb, and a microphone to my pinky. You can't even tell I have it on."
A couple of holes later, a different, muted, ringing sound is heard, and the German businessman in the foursome stands erect and begins talking, again an obviously real conversation. When finished he explains, "This really is the latest in cellular technology. more...

There once was a man and his family that lived in a little old village. One day he was driving along and was hit by a semi-truck. All of his family was killed and he was severely injured. Because of his injuries and the time it took, he was fired from his job.

Seeing the bad shape he was in, a group of monks decided to take him in. They gave him the job of ringing the bell.

One Sunday, while the man was ringing the bell, the rope snapped. He was so nervous about his job that he ran up the three flights of stairs.

Upon reaching the top, he began to hit the bell with his fists, but it didn't work. So he began to ring the bell with his head. It made a noisy grand ringing sound. Unfortunately, the man became dizzy and fell down the bell tower to his death.

Later that day the police arrived. All of the monks were out to help respond any question they could. "Does anyone know this man's name?" asked on of the police more...

When the husband arrived home, his wife met him at the door sobbing. He asked her what was wrong.
"It's the pharmacist," she wailed. "He insulted me something awful on the phone this morning." Hearing this, the husband immediately headed downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist cut him off and said, "Please, just listen to my side of it."
"This morning my alarm didn't go off," the pharmacist began to explain, "so I was late getting up. Going without breakfast, I rushed out to my car only to realize I had locked the house with both my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got pulled over and was given a speeding ticket. Later, about two blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally arrived at the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.
I opened the more...

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group." The man says O. K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."
As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, a husband was met at the door by his upset wife.

Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute. Listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both the house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys."

The druggist continued, "Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got here, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, more...

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization.

The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."

The man says O. K.
He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.
The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."
As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to more...