Researcher Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some biological researcher experimented with a flea. He puts it on the table and says: "Jump!"
The flea jumps 3 meters, so he writes down to his log: "The flea has jumped 3 meters."
Afterwards he cuts one of its legs off and says again: "Jump!"
The flea jumps only 2 meters, so he writes down to the log: "The flea has jumped 2 meters."
Then he again cuts one more leg, again says: "Jump!"
It jumped 1.5 meters, which was also registered in the log.
He continued cutting the fleas' legs until there were no legs left, he puts it on the table and says: "Jump!"
The flea doesn't move.
He says again: "Jump!"
It doesn't move.
So he writes down "After removing all legs of the flea, the flea loses its ability to hear."

A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer.

"So, English farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher and he leaves the English farmer. Then he meets an Australian farmer.

"So, Australian farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"

"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."

"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher,"That's how they do it in England too."And he leaves the Australian farmer.

Then he meets a farmer from New Zealand.

"So, kiwi farmer, how do you shag your more...

A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly," she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."

At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that we have switched from rats to lawyers for experiments in our lab?"
"Really?" replied the other researcher. "Why the switch?"
"There were a number of reasons," the first researcher explained. "First, our lab assistants don't become so attached to them. Second, lawyers breed much quicker, making them far more plentiful. Third, animal rights groups have no objection to their torture and fourth, there are some things even a rat won't do."

A market researcher called at a house and his knockwas answered by a young woman with three smallchildren running around her. He asked her if she mindedreplying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products wasVaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked ifshe used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewerwas amazed. He said, "I always ask that question becauseeveryone uses our product and they always say they useit for the childs bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; butI know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since youvebeen so frank, could you tell me exactly how you useit?""Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."