Relations Jokes

Most Middle Eastern countries recognise the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is more...

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American
girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and
asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"
Polish Man: "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home."
Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
Polish Man: "It made of concrete."
Lawyer: "I don't think you understand. Does either of you
have a real grudge?"
Polish Man: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
Lawyer: "I mean. What are your relations like?"
Polish Man: "All my relations still in Poland."
Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
Polish Man: "We have more...

The Mayor of Vidor has decided not to take part in a town hall meeting on race relations CNN plans to broadcast across the nation.

It is the outgrowth of a CNN special report last week on race relations in America. The report included a story about Vidor. A technical problem at the local Time Warner Cable office prevented all but a few seconds of the story from airing in Beaumont and Vidor. The story was broadcast one night later. Vidor Mayor Joe Hopkins and several other people complained that the story was based on decades-old information and reinforced racial stereotypes about Vidor.

" After a lot of prayer and consideration, I don't think it's in the best interest of anyone involved that I participate," Hopkins told KFDM News Monday afternoon. "I will decline the invitation from CNN to take part in the town hall meeting. I left a voice message with the senior producer on site."

"Besides," added the mayor, "It will be a more...

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.I mean, what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.What makes you think that?
I got proof.What kind of proof?
She going to more...