Recite Jokes / Recent Jokes

The National Poetry Contest was down to two finalists, a Harvard graduate and a redneck.
The contest rules allowed each of them a maximum of two minutes to compose a four line poem containing the word Timbuktu.
The Harvard graduate was the first to recite his:
"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination - Timbuktu."
The crowd went wild. It didn't seem possible that the redneck would be able to top that. Finally, with a few seconds left, the redneck jumped up and was ready to recite his poem:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent.""What was the sin?" the rabbi asked."It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread.""Nu, if it really only happened once," the rabbi said, "that's not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?""I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?""I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed.""And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur."

One Day Teacher Ask Rajesh(The Most Stupid Boy) To Learn The Poem Of Any Type & To Recite It In The Class. When He Goes To His Home And Asks From His Mother To Go And Get The Book I Want To Learn It Mother Says'Tell Ur Teacher That They Do Not Have Books To Give U.(Mother Was Jolking). The He Goes To His Father And Tells The Story About The Poem. Father Replies Sorry Darling We'll Go To Tommorrow. When Teacher Asks Him To Recite The Poem He Replies The Same Words That His Mother Told Him. When Teacer Ask Him To Come To The Principal Rajash Says Sorry Darling We'll Go Tommorrow

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100, 000. 00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to more...

Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet? A: "Modem anachnu loch..."