Rattle Jokes

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.

What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch? He died in agony!

Q: Why did the witchs mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.

I don’t wanna do the dishes
I don’t wanna do the wash
I sprinkled clothes a week ago
And now my iron is lost!

I don’t wanna rattle pots
I don’t wanna rattle pans
I see the mail light flashin’
I wanna chat with friends!

Oh the tables need some dustin’
and the floor could sure be mopped
But I know if I get started
there’ll be no place to stop.

The closets are so full
things are falling off the shelves
I wish for cleaning fairies
and magic little elves.

They could sprinkle fairy dust
and twitch their little nose
The windows would be sparkling
I would have no dirty clothes.

Oh I know that I’m just dreamin’
My head is in the sky
I must cook that meat that’s greying
and bake that apple pie.

The Hubby needs a bath
Doggy needs attention
Oh.. the other way around I mean
my brain is in more...