Public Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. Your many dimensions are mind boggling (different than beer goggling, which I'll touch upon shortly). Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kabob with chili more...

Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.

"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."

"If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando."When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.""If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections ----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name of Candidate: _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail: _______________________
(ii) Cell Number: _______________________

3. Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati

5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from more...

The Public Enemy
“I`m not accustomed to riding with strangers,” Gwen. "We`re not gonna be strangers," Tom in “Public Enemy” with Jean Harlow and James Cagney. Warner Bros. 1931, directed by William Wellman.

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine. This was serious and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II, a mere 58 years ago!

Obviously, the intent was not to be "funny," but by today's standards, this is hilarious!

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees:

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and more...

The American Public was overheard in a nail salon yesterday complaining about its Congress to a friend. Apparently, the Public was “totally fed up” with all of it.
“I’m soooo over this Congress,” said the Public. “Usually, after having the same Congress for a while, I can pick one or two Senators that I can tolerate being seen outside with. But this time I’m like “yecchh!”- the whole thing has got to go. I swear, sometimes I feel like pouring gasoline all over this Congress and tossing a match on it.”
“There’s nothing about this Congress I like anymore. I look at all these disasters and think ‘How the hell could I have voted for THAT?’ You'd think I'd have learned my lesson after my whole 1994 fiasco, but no! This is what I get for listening to all the so-called “experts.” They make you so afraid of being labeled “out of touch,”, “deluded” or “sympathizing with terrorists,” but sure enough, the whole thing becomes embarrassing in no more...