Public Jokes / Recent Jokes

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue When you are married. ...You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband...... at all time When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time When you are married. ...He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?" When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public When you are married. ...He flicks your ear in public When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad When you are married. ...A King size bed feels like an army cot When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked When you are married. ...You think to yourself...."Was he ALWAYS this hairy????" When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay When you are married. ...You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???" When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you. ..for no reason When you are married. ...He grabs your boob any chance he gets When you are more...

Public service announcements around the world.
USA: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your children are?"
Italy: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?"
France: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your wife is?"
Poland: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know what time it is?"

Most Romantic/Passionate/Sweet Things
To Do For Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
(101 steps to having a good relationship)
Watch the sunset together.
Take showers together.
Back rubs/massages.
Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark or w/ blacklight.
French Kiss.
Hold her w/ hands inside the back of her shirt.
Whisper to each other.
Cook for each other.
Skinny dip.
Make out in the rain.
Dress each other.
Undress each other.
Kiss every part of their body.
Hold hands.
Sleep together. (Actually sleep with each other: not sex)
One word: Foreplay
Sit and talk in just underwear.
Buy gifts for each other.
Roses.
Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
Wear his clothes.
Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.
Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.
Kiss at every chance you get.
Don't wear underwear more...

15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...

Boys are like public toilets; they're either taken, or full of crap.
(no offense to you boys)

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

My favorite mail today was a long, white business envelope marked "Personal" in red, addressed to "Resident."
Putting the Ten Commandments in public schools would be great, if the kids in public schools could just read.
Putting the Ten Commandments in schools will stop violence just like "Just Say No" stopped drug use.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a self-cleaning refrigerator? We have the next best thing in our house; two teen age boys!
In 10 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap?
My dog wants to know who was the person of questionable intelligence who determined humans would eat three times a day while a dog would only eat once.
Was the weather as bad and as frightening before the invention of Doppler radar?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
To all the critics of the Phantom Menace: You have just turned to the dark side of the Force. Guess what? It IS supposed to be a kids movie. Get a more...