Proof Jokes / Recent Jokes

This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work
- = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have
Work
-- = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work
Money = ---
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more Money you Make.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside".
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how... ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) "Do not turn upside down".
(Oops, too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(As night follows the day...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's more...

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end.
Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need:
They let Brittney Spears reproduce.
Ohh that poor poor child!!

A man entered a grocery store and asked the clerk at the counter for two cans of dog food.
"Do you have a dog, sir?" the clerk asked.
"Yes, of course I do," the puzzled customer replied.
"I'm sorry sir," said the clerk, "but before I can sell you dog food, you must show me proof that you own a dog."
The frustrated customer returned home to get his dog and pulled it on its leash back to the store.
"Here's my dog!" the customer exclaimed.
"Thank you, sir. Here are your two cans of dog food," the clerk responded.
A couple of days later, the man returned to the same store and asked the clerk for two cans of cat food.
"I'm sorry, sir," explained the clerk, "but before I can sell you cat food, I must see your cat."
The customer stormed out of the store and returned home to get his cat. Returning to the store, he held the cat up by its tail for the clerk to see.
"Thank more...

Satanic Barney Proof Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR Prove: Barney is satanic The Romans had no letter' U', and used' V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 Adding those numbers produces: 666. 666 is the number of the Beast. Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN! oI=vo? /$="'" """^SATAN$~. &?/' `""$$,, /?/' /-"^.. -=~T,, /?/' /SATAN| |IS,&' |LT `? ``?^I/HATE@:~:$=v. `$k==v.??, `d `$$'9P'I-LOVE=SATAN/$$~?$, R/ /$?~^'"""""`"&&

Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later. Prefers three left turns to one right turn. Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere. Produces a zero-length core dump. Proof God has a sense of humor. Proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit to human stupidity. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope. Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying. Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway. Qualifies for the mental express line - five thoughts or less. - MacNelly Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle. Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third. Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk. Reads her newspaper back-to-front. Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek. Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton. Ready to join the Anti-Mensa Society. more...