Proof Jokes / Recent Jokes
The water-proof towelGlow in the dark sunglassesSolar powered flashlightsSubmarine screen doorsA book on how to readInflatable dart boardsA dictionary indexPowdered waterPedal powered wheel chairsWater proof tea bagsWatermelon seed sorterZero proof alchoholReusable ice cubesSee through tiolet tissueSkinless bananasDo it yourself roadmapHelicopter ejector seat
I used to be a proof reader for a skywriting company.
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work = Power * Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge * Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work Money = ---------- Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.
Proof That Jesus Was Jewish:1. He went into his father's business.2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.Proof That Jesus Was Irish:1. He never got married.2. He was always telling stories.3. He loved green pastures.Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:1. His first name was Jesus.2. He was bilingual.3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.Proof That Jesus Was Italian:1. He talked with his hands.2. He had wine with every meal.3. He worked in the building trades.Proof that Jesus Was a Californian:1. He never cut his hair.2. He walked around barefoot.3. He invented a new religion and finallyProof that Jesus Was Black:1. He called everybody brother.2. He liked Gospel.3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
PROOF THAT JESUS WAS...
...Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
...Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He never held a steady job.
3. His last request was a drink.
...Puerto Rican:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was always in trouble with the law.
3. His mother did not know who his father was.
...Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
...Black:
1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
...Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But the most compelling evidence of all - proof that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2 . He kept trying more...
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the checkout counter. The girl at the cash register said, ‘I’m sorry, but we cannot sell cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat. ’ The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demanded proof that she had a dog because old people sometimes eat dog food. She went home and brought in her dog. She then bought the dog food. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, ‘No, you might have a snake in there. ’ The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger in the box more...