Preacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

    A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates andannounces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon readingthe entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff andto proceed into Heaven.
    A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watchingthese proceedings with interest.   He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanningthe preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
    The preacher is astonished and replies, "ButI am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely Irate higher than a cabbie."
    St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "this is heaven and, up here, we are interested in results.   When you preached, people slept.   When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment' I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

Late one night a preacher was making his weary way home. As he traveled the hilly, curving country road, he overtook a car. The slow moving car was weaving from one side of the road to the other in a most disturbing manner. Being familiar with most residents of the area he recognized the car as belonging to a member of his congregation.
"Oh no," said the preacher to himself, "Joe has fallen off the wagon again. The way that car is weaving, he must be really plastered. I better pull up beside him and get him to stop before he hurts himself."
Putting thought to action, the preacher pulled along side Joe's car just in time for the next swerve to run him off the road. Over the shoulder, down a steep bank, the preacher's car rolled over twice and came to rest against a large pine tree. Not completely senseless to the world, Joe stopped his car and staggered back to a point above the preacher's car.
Fortunately, the preacher had been using a seat belt. That more...

There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do - and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey...
"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard more...

An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky. One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him. “Can't you do something?” she demanded angrily.“I'm sorry ma'am,” the reverend said gently, “I'm in sales, not management.”

One day a burnette goes to a preacher and says, "I have commited a sin."
Preacher: what was it.
Burnette: I stabbed a man to death.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
Later a redhead goes to the preacher and says, "I have commited a sin."
Preacher: what was it.
Redhead: I pushed a man of a cliff.
Preacher: go drink some holy water and your sins will be forgiven.
later a blonde goes to the preacher and says "I have commited a sin."
preacher: what was it.
blonde: I peed in the holy water that they are drinking.

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me." So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"