Preacher Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'

The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked."Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?""Noooo, I have not, Reverend."The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A rabbi, a protestant minister and a catholic priest and a baptist preacher were discussing religion.
The rabbi said: "Let's be honest with each other. We all have our vices. For instance, I'm not supposed to eat ham or pork - but i love them!"
The protestant minister said, "Well, I do have one vice - I like to drink. In fact, I get pissed from time to time."
The catholic priest said, " I'll be honest. I like girls. I like to get laid at least once a week."
They looked at the baptist preacher. "Haven't you got any vices?" they asked.
"Well, only one," he said. "I like to gossip!"

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.' 'How much do you want for the mower?'' asked the preacher.' 'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle'', said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked,' 'Will you take my bike in trade for it?'' The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said,' 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'' The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said,' 'I can't get this mower to start.''

The little boy said,' 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.''

The preacher said,' 'I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been saved that I do not even remember how to cuss.''

The more...

Preacher decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few...
When he gets there, he discovers there isn't anybody else around, and he has the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses...Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and they don't approve of his church hooky-playing..
"Look at that guy," Jesus says, "He should be in church instead of out there. C'mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or something."
"No," God says, "I've something else in mind for him. Watch what happens when he makes his next shot."
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely in the hole.
"What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!" Jesus yells, "That has to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!"
"That's right, son, indeed it is....and because he's alone, he can't tell anyo