Policeman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72.. . "

- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?-? ??- Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman dont exist.

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have.' Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later. ." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?! "

Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I wasnt going to miss seeing myself on "Americas Most Wanted."

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."The policeman replied "I dont care who you know! Youre getting a ticket!"

A well-known politician had the misfortune of locking himself out of his car leaving the keys inside. After trying out other keys and prodding the tightly shut windowpanes, he thought he would insert a wire in the key hole and twist it round: if car thieves could open them that way why not he? Unfortunately, while he was at it, a policeman came up and grabbed him by the arm.' Whose car are you trying to steal?, he demanded gruffly.
'It's my car,' replied the politician somewhat taken aback. The policeman slapped him across the face as well as cast reflections on the fellow's relations with his mother and sister. Screaming with rage the outraged politician returned the compliments to the constable and showed him the label on the windscreen which proclaimed his name and eminence in public life. It was the turn of the policeman to apologise and make amends:' Sahib, you must forgive me! You must be the only politician who does not know how to break open a lock.

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over.
The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"
"No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."