Policeman Jokes / Recent Jokes
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
A blonde, black and red were running from the police so they hid in potato sacks the policeman kicked the first bag with the black in it and she said "meow" only a cat said the policeman he kicked the second bag with the red in it and she said "woff" only a
dog then he kicked the last bag with the blonde in it and she said "potatoes"!
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by
a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?”The priests say, “Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us.”The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to
ride on a motorcycle.”
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street.
All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dog's leash in the blind man's hands while cars were trying to stop, screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident.
The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever. It was a miracle!
The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye more...
One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your
life?"
"That's right." The farmer replied.
"Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
The farmer explained. "When the policeman arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and
shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought, under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life."