Policeman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5, 000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about anurgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to theyoungster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?""Yes," whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?" the man asked.To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"Yes," came the answer."May I talk with her?"Again the small voice whispered, "No."Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left homealone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the personwho should be there watching over the child."Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child."Yes," whispered the child, "a more...

A man in an automobile, who was stopped by a policeman for speeding, became very angry and called the traffic cop an ass.
After he had paid his fine, the judge reproved him, for what he had said to the officer.
"Then I mustn`t call a policeman an ass?" he said.
"Certainly not," said the judge. "You must not insult the police."
"But you wouldn`t mind if I called an ass a policeman, would you?"
"Why, no, if it gives you satisfaction," answered his honor with a slight smile.
The motorist turned to the man who had arrested him, and said: "Good-day, policeman."

It's the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change. The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, "Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?" The youngster responds, proudly, "Ya, Santa brought it for me." The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicyle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, "Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it." Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, "And did Santa bring you that horse?" Humouring the youngster, the policeman answers, "Why, yes, he did." To which Johnny responds, "Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top."

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathersaround. " A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of anykind. "A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old man dressed shabbily and of at least eighty years of age.
" Mr. Policeman," says the man, " I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I've been living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay.
He kneels down, leans over the injured man and says slowly in a solemn voice: " B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72..."

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about anurgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to theyoungster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice." May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" Yes," came the answer." May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left homealone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the personwho should be there watching over the child." Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child." Yes," whispered the child, "a more...