Pole Jokes

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    c/o Mattel, Inc.
    El Segundo, CA 90245
    To: Santa Claus
    North Pole, North Pole
    Dear Santa:
    Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list!
    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear more...

    The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good. He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them.

    As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, Little Johnny, who was standing there said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them."

    The lineman tried to ignore Little Johnny and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.

    So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough Little Johnny was still standing there. He said, "My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if more...

    A Russian, a Pole, an American, and an Israeli are interviewed.
    The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
    The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
    The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
    The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
    And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"

    Pole Vaulter
    Joke has been viewed 55 times!
    Printer Friendly Version At the recent Olympics, a man was walking throught the Olympic villiage carrying a long pole. A reporter came up to him and asked "Are you a pole vaulter?" The man replied, "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

    Sam was a clerk in a small drugstore, but wasn't much of a salesman since he could never find the items the customers wanted. The store owner warned him that the next sale he missed would be his last.
    Just then, a man came in coughing and asked Sam for their best cough syrup. As usual, Sam couldn't find any cough syrup. Remembering what his boss had said, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take the entire box all at once. The customer immediately consumed the entire box in the store, went outside and leaned against a pole.
    Having seen the whole thing, the owner came over and asked Sam what had happened.
    "The man wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," Sam explained. "I substituted it with Ex-Lax and told him to take all of it at once."
    "You idiot!" shouted the angry owner. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!"
    "Really?" Sam replied, pointing to the customer leaning against the pole. more...

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