Point Jokes / Recent Jokes

Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower:
Do not point blower in direction of people or pets.
(Wild animals are presumably okay?)
Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement:
Exposure may result in confusion.
(Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused)
Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets:
Harmful if swallowed.
(I know a kid who can put a whole orange in his mouth- but that's beside the point)
Sunbeam Simple Press Iron:
To prevent burn injury, keep hand away from heated area.
(I had no idea intense heat could BURN you! Go figure!)
Hungry Jack Lite Syrup:
Caution: Syrup bottle may be hot.
(After lengthy instructions on how to heat the bottle.)
50 Water Balloons:
This bag is not a toy.
(Yes indeed, it's the real thing!)
9 Piece Super Bouncers Bouncing Balls:
This toy is a small ball.
(Apparently that's a bad thing.)
Tagamet HB2000:
Do not take if you are allergic to Tagamet HB2000 or other acid more...

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

A professor handed out the test papers to all of his students and returned to his desk to wait. When the test was over, the students handed them in.
As the professor was going through the papers, he noticed one student had paper-clipped a $100 bill to his test with an accompanying note saying "A buck a point".
The next day the professor handed the tests back to the respective students.
The student who attached the $100 bill to his, received his test score back along with $64 and a note saying, "here's your change".

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."
"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."
"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse more...

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the
air force. (Joke best delivered with a good thick accent)
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong
air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and
suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.
(At this point, several of the children giggle.)
I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him
down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker
behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh.
The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that' Fokker' was the
name of the German-Dutch aircraft company"
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."

The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
"Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob"
was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother
superior," he asked, "what's a more...