Picard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is 'Microsoft'?"Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"Data "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially more...

Picard's female officers think the captain's "log" is some kind
of wimpy electronic journal.
Ever see Kirk wearing a freakin' jumpsuit?
Picard never met Joan Collins, but if he did, he still couldn't
get any.
Kirk never straightened out his shirt when he stood up.
Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
There was no Klingon word for "defeat" - until they met Kirk.
Picard lets the chief of security wear a ponytail.
One question: what would Kirk have done if he saw a female doctor
bending over the operating table?
How they react to cute, cuddly creatures on the bridge?
Picard: Encourage science officer to adopt one.
Kirk: Beam their cute, cuddly, little butts aboard Klingon ship.
How they would react to Deanna's mother?
Picard: Embarrassed tolerance.
Kirk: Bribe Q to time-travel her butt to the Ceti-Alpha system, and let her read
Kahn's mind for a while.
How they spend their captain's more...

"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is `Microsoft`?"

Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows`, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won`t they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

Data "Yes, Captain. But more...

In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".
The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a
crew of 20 just to go into warp - The Millennium Falcon does the same
thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess
Leia still looked fresh and desirable - After pithy Cardassian starvation
torture, Picard looked like hell.
One word: Lightsabers.
Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
encounters.
Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I".
Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter
impulse power - Han Solo floors it.