Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a Doctors office and puts a note on the table in front of the Doctor.
The note says: "I can't talk, help me!"
The Doctor thinks for a while and says to the man, "Put your penis on the table here."
The man thinks this is a bit weird but does as he says.
The Doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits his penis with it as hard as he can.
The man cries in great agony: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... " and the Doctor says, "Good, come again tomorrow and we'll learn B!"

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army.
His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...He agrees, and does so.
When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y.
The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.
One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican, "Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"
And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says...
"Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!"

Janet was a first time contestant on the $65,000 television quiz show. So far, luck was on her side since she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She had even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
Janet agreed to return the following day and was extremely nervous as her husband drove them home.
"I just have to win tomorrow," she said, "I really wish I knew what the answer is! You realize I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight and will probably look horrible tomorrow."
"Relax, honey," her husband, Robert, said reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."
Minutes after they arrived home, Robert grabbed the car keys and started to head out the door. "Where are you going?" Janet asked.
"I have one small errand to run," Robert replied. "I should be back soon."
After an agonizing two hour more...

A Dravidian man falls asleep in a coconut grove. After a while a gigantic Kerala King Cobra slowly crawls along his legs & into his lungi (loin-cloth). Putting its head through an opening in front, the black serpent rises & spreads its fangs. Just as it is about to strike him in the face, the sleeping Dravidian man wakes up. Puzzled, he exclaims, "My horny South Indian King Cobra, I knew you were Big, Black & Dravidian! But from where did you get those bright green eyes ?"

NEW TAX LAW

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time is is pissed off, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 1999, your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:

10-12'' Luxury Tax $30.00
8-10'' Privilege Tax $15.00
5-8'' Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12'' must file under Capital Gains.
Anyone under 4'' is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
IRS

***NOTE***
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:

* Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
* What if one's penis is self-employed?
* Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
* Are more...

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

Those penis enlargement pills you took must be working. You're a bigger dick now than you were last week.