Pedestrian Jokes / Recent Jokes

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The cyclist says. -"What do you mean by lucky? " The pedestrian angrily asks. "I got hurt really bad." -"Ah, youre lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus."

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

A: Travelled by bus?
This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q: What warning was given by you?

A: Horn

Q: What warning was given by the other party?

A: Moo
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would more...

Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"
Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"
Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"
Pedestrian: "I`d recognize that laugh anywhere!"

Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes. These are NEW (mostly), and are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas mag... but. .. they've escaped.

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front more...

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible more...

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.I more...

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.