Pear Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying,
five golden rings.
Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to more...

Got a minute? There were three Filipino friends who were invited to a Mood Party. In order to be allowed access into the party, each person had to make an appearance as a mood or feeling. The first guy went to the supermarket and bought a pear. The second, bought a dress and the last bought a custard pie. Confused with each other, they decided to go to the party and let the host clear things up between them. The host of the party opens the door and asks the first Filipino guy, "What's the pear for?" The Filipino guy sticks out his thumb and plops the pear right over his thumb. Baffled, the host asks what this all means. The Filipino guy answers, "I'm in' dis pear (despair)!" The host smiles and let's him in. The second one busts out his dress. When asked to explain, he takes off all of his clothes, throws them to the corner and wears the dress. He then explains, "I'm in' dis dress (distress)!" The host then smiles again and let's him in as well. By this more...

The Twelve Days After Christmas
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.
On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup [peop100078_x51.WMF (46812 bytes)]
The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.
The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A.
On the seventh day, what a mess I more...

The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite

Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup

The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A. S. P. C. A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I more...

THE TWELVE DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS

The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite

Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup

The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A. S. P. C. more...

The first day after ChristmasMy true love and I had a fightAnd so I chopped the pear tree downAnd burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridgeI shot that blasted partridge My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. The second day after ChristmasI pulled on the old rubber glovesAnd very gently wrung the necksOf both the turtle doves My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. On the third day after ChristmasMy mother caught the croupI had to use the three French hensTo make some chicken soup The four calling birds were a big mistake For their language was obsceneThe five golden rings were completely fake and turned my fingers green. The sixth day after ChristmasThe six laying geese wouldn't laySo I sent the whole darn gaggle to theA. S. P. C. A. My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. On the seventh day, what a mess I found The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned. The eighth day after ChristmasBefore they could suspectI bundled up theEight more...

Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum puddings
and a partridge in some pear sauce.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
five cups of herbal tea,
four Baked Alaskas
three French chocolates
two English plum more...