Paul Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: (Paul Simon) My media experts tell me I'm foolish for wearing my hair the same way I did in the 50's. But that's what Paul Simon's all about. And I suppose my media experts are gonna say I'm foolish for this, but in all candor, I change my light bulbs the same way I did in the 50's: my wife gets on a ladder and I turn it.

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4: 30. Charley shows up at 4: 30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5: 00, Paul shows up and Charley says, “Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late. ” Paul replies, “Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's been hurting bad. ” Charley says, “If your dick's been hurting, why did you go to the dentist? ” Paul answers, “Because I had a tooth stuck in it. ”

Paul Carthy, 25, pleaded guilty in Exeter, England, in September to theft
subsequent to his original charge of shoplifting from a liquor store. In
the second theft, he had stolen the magnetic letters off the name board
that was held up to his face when his mug shot was taken.

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervouslyknocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and wasas beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't youplay with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderfultricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if youmake a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rollingover. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a littledepressed to me."

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervouslyknocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and wasas beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't youplay with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderfultricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if youmake a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rollingover. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a littledepressed to me."

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Cindy, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Cindy agrees and again they make love.
Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Cindy's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the more...