Participants Jokes

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

An apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away; HMOs do.

But to really stay healthy, medical research has found
a daily joke can reduce hospitalizations by 10% in a year.

In the double-blind placebo controlled study, participants
were offered 1-4 jokes each morning. Participants receiving 4
jokes did twice as well as those receiving only one joke. Material was stolen
from the work of Dave Chappelle, Jay Leno, Bill Cosby, David Letterman.

The placebo group received Carlos Mencia.