Overheard Jokes / Recent Jokes
Are you sure that Al Gore started this way?
If this leaks out, I'll be ruined.
If this doesn't leak out, *I'll* be ruined.
If I could convince Hillary to do that just once...
Now you know why they call me 'Slick Willie'.
You are a White House intern; Well, now it's your turn.
I knew that a lot of things came across your desk, I just never thought that I would be one of them.
Somehow, I don't think that alan Greenspan would explain inflation that way.
I've always said, "I want to be a 'hands-on' president."
What do you mean 'falsie inspection. I don't remember a no falsies clause in my contract.
When you asked me to look at the presidential pole, I thought you meant the latest Gallup Survey.
I thought that all of those notches in your desk were from Sox sharpening his claws.
Are you *sure* it's in?
When you said that you had your finger on the pulse of the nation, this isn't exactly what i thought you meant.
"Maybe more...
"Things Overheard in Santa's Workshop"
As presented on the 12/04/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
"Whose tiny fingers are these in the table saw?"
"The Keebler Elves? Yeah, making cookies... there's a tough gig"
"Hey, Santa, it's Anna Nicole Smith on the phone for you"
"You know Rudolph's 'naturally red nose'? Collagen injection"
"Uh-oh - looks like fat boy drank his lunch again"
"Shut down the assembly line for the 'Central Park West' action figures"
"Which gifts should we plant at O.J.'s house?"
"Whew! Mia Farrow sure has a lot of kids!"
"Someday I'm gonna make it outta here, just like Ross Perot did"
"It may be jiggling like a bowl of jelly, but it ain't his tummy"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis whats left of our airplane to the gate!"
Overheard in a computer shop:Customer: “I'd like a mouse mat, please.”Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.”Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
I overheard two dissatisfied colleagues talking today, one was saying that he was going to work for Euro Disney because he was fed up with his present job and wanted to work for a real Mickey Mouse Operation.