Ourselves Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If more...

We kid ourselves if we think that the ratio of procedure to data in an active data-base system can be made arbitrarily small or even kept small.

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever more...

After an exhausting 12-hour drive to our honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach, Fla., my husband and I decided to refresh ourselves with a dip in the motel pool.
I must have dropped a few pounds to pre-wedding jitters, because each time I dived into the pool, I lost either the top or bottom of my skimpy new bikini.
Having the pool to ourselves, my husband thought it was exciting at first to keep my swimsuit from me. In the attempt to retrieve my swimsuit I noticed just how excited he was by his massive erection.
With very little struggle we got his swimsuit off and engaged in a
round of hide the salami before going back to our room to finish.
Later we dressed for dinner and went down to the motel restaurant. Waiting for a table, we sat in the lounge and ordered drinks.
Above the bar was a huge, empty, glistening fish tank. Curious, my husband asked, "Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?"
The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he more...

We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.