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Don't ya just love the holidays, when everyone is just so full of the spirit of the season and joy and good will towards men? As a plain old country boy now living in the big city, I wanted to share the warmth and joy I felt with all these nice city folk.
The other day I went to the local religious book store, to locate something to share with others, and while I couldn't find any with a Christmas theme, I saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car; tell y'all what, I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the upcoming Holidays and all, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I easily found several people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because, he leaned out his window and even yelled, "Jesus more...

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can`t live long enough to make them all yourself."

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-- Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."-- Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-- Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."-- Abraham Lincoln "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."-- Groucho Marx "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely more...

Three women -- one german, one japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The german pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly.

a "that was my pager," she said. "i have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

a few minutes later, a phone rang.

The japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

the hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The hillbilly woman finally said, "well, will you look at that, i''m gettin'' a fax!

Accountants do it with Double Entry Acupuncturists do it with a small prick Ambulance drivers come quicker Australians do it Down Under Bach did it using the organ Bankers do it with interest Bartenders do it on the Rocks Batman does it using his Robin Bookkeepers do it for the record Bosses delegate the task to others Chess players check their Mates Cops do it with cuffs DJs do it on request Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure Dentists do it orally Detectives do it under cover Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers Elevator men do it up and down Engineers do it to specifications Engineers do it to a first order approximation Firemen do it with a big hose Frank Sinatra does it his way Garbagemen come twice a week Gardeners do it on the bushes Gas attendants Pump all day Golfers do it in 18 holes Landlords do it every 1st of the month Managers make others do it Marketing reps do it on commission Pizza delivery man comes in 30 minutes or it's free Teachers do it more...

Three bulls were grumbling about the expected arrival of a fourth one. The first bull raged that he had been on the farm for 20 years and had 20 cows and wasn’t going to give up a single cow to the newcomer. The second bull, with 10 cows, insisted he wasn’t giving up any of his, and the third bull, with five cows, wasn’t about to budge, either.
The next day, a truck pulled up and the farmer led out the biggest blackest, meanest bull the others had ever seen. "Well," said the first bull, "I guess 20 cows are a bit of a strain. He can have some of mine."
"Ten are too much for me, too," said the second. The third bull, however, stood kicking up dirt and snorting. The two others looked at him as if hem had gone stark staring mad. "Look, five cows aren’t worth getting beaten up for," said one of the others.

"To hell with the bloody cows," the third snorted. "I just want to make sure he knows I’m a more...

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?