Others Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.
After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!" The others sighed sympathetically.
Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"
The others nodded.
A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"
The others nodded as if in agreement.
Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"

The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em ..nobody is your friend.
If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?(if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).
So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?
Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.
The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?
God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today.
Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets more...

Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING!
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!
(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)

Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING!
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes. Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!
(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)

One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was more...

Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING! 1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.2. Form a loose grip.3. Keep your head down.4. Avoid a quick back swing.5. Stay out of the water.6. Try not to hit anyone.7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.8. Don't stand directly in front of others.9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.10. Don't take extra strokes... Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)

WHY?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, why is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If you send someone' Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero more...