Osama Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says, "There is no' I' in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't foget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns. First of all, while it's good to be concerned about the cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks. Third: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote more...

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" says Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "this is not what I was promised!" An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for more...

Osama Bin Laden's son, Omar, revealed in a book that Osama's parenting style was cruel and unusual. Well gee, who could have ever seen THAT coming?

Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel when they stopped at a small town.
Bin Laden got off the camel and lifted up its tail and looked at the camel's butt.
Just then a guy came over and said, "What are you doing?"
Osama replied, "About two miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at the two assholes on that camel.'"

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," David says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock. "Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy more...

Osama bin Laden finally gets his due when a one-ton tomahawk
missile lands
on his tent one day. He immediately goes to
hell, where the devil is waiting
for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on
my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to
stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a
couple of people here
who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll
let one of them go, but you have
to take their place. I'll
even let YOU decide who leaves."
Osama bin
Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil
opened the first room.
In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept
diving in and
surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
"No," said Osama bin Laden, "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and
I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led more...

Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?""Hey, don't you know who I am? I don't need no woman givin' me nuthin"' barked Bin Laden.The genie pleaded "but Master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever." Osama thought a moment, then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he said "Okay, okay, I wanna wake up with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it!"Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed, "Now leave me alone!" The annoyed genie said "So be it!" and disappeared back in to the bottle. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken and he had no health insurance.