Osama Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Clinton, George Bush and Osama Bin Ladin were riding in an airplane. Bill Clinton said, "Hey, do you dare me to throw this acorn out of the window?", they said yes and he did. George Bush said, "Hey, do you dare me to throw this apple core out of the window?", they said yes, and he did. Osama Bin Ladin said, "Hey, do you dare me to throw this bomb out of the window?", they screamed "No!", but he did anyway. When the plane landed, Bill Clinton saw a little girl crying and he asked her what was wrong. She said, "An acron fell out of the sky and hit me on the head". Then, George Bush saw a little boy crying and asked him what was wrong. He said, " An apple core fell out of the sky and hit me on the head. Osama Bin Ladin saw a little boy laughing really hard and asked him what was he laughing at. The little boy replied, "I just farted and blew up the Washington Monument!".

"If you meet Osama Bin Laden - sucker punch the bastard"
"Special hotline to report anyone who looks 'shifty'"
"Offer Taliban free HBO, instead of cable guy send Jackie Chan"
"Two words: spy monkeys"
"Go to every K-Mart and announce over P.A.: 'Will Osama Bin Laden report to the manager's office?'"
"What are we waiting for - call Batman"
"Give terrorists brightly wrapped fruitcake, but inside there's a skunk!"
"Make Taliban leaders easier to spot by sending them all bright orange hats"
"Fight terrorism with love!" (the guy who suggested this was beaten to a pulp by an angry mob)
"Do another 'Hands Across America' - that worked before"
©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc.

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right
- question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you more...

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."Her father's heart swells and he looks at his more...

Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common?
A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dogfight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's more...

Osama Ben Laden, your such a bitch; I hope your dick gets a seven year itch. I hope your balls get twisted and turned in such a manor, that your asshole starts to sing the star-spangled banner!