Object Jokes / Recent Jokes

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention more...

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to more...

Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. Death is Nature's way of saying' slow down'. Don't force it, get a larger hammer. Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends. Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Come with me to a third grade classroom.....
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet.
He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it.
When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.
As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the more...

Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left
in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"
"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and more...