Non-technical Jokes

REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICAL
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person whoanswered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?" I worked with an individual who plugged theirpower strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why theircomputer would not turn on."Do you know anythingabout this fax-machine?"
"A little. What'swrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient calledback to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it byaccident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it." I recently saw a distraught young lady weepingbeside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now Ican't more...

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
Note: This refers to the bug recently found in the Pentium. Under certain circumstances during division the floating point unit loses one bit at the end, thus reducing the accuracy. Intel has known about this bug for a few months but didn't admit to it until users found out about it and made it public. Now they downplay the severity of the bug by saying that it reduces the accuracy only very little and that it occurs only very rarely. In one statement they said that 'only theoretical mathematicians' will ever notice it and that non-technical people will not suffer from it.)

In our complex technical environment there are many opportunities for a
competent technical individual to be the subject of technical harassment.
Sometimes it can be so subtle that you may not even be aware you are being
harassed. Worse yet, you may inadvertently technically harass another person
by accident.
Following are some guidelines to help you determine if you are being
technically harassed.
If you are repeatedly asked the same technical question you may be the
victim of technical harassment. While it is most common to be asked the
question repeatedly within the same conversation, some instances have been
identified of habitual technical harassment. Habitual technical harassment is
not uncommon and has been known to exhibit group tendencies where members of a
group may ask the same question repeatedly. Untreated, these instances of
group technical harassment can continue for years.
If you are asked a technical question by more...

Q: How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - it will be fined (fixed? ) in the next version.

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 586 of them, and it will take them a year from the moment you convince them that the lightbulb is not functioning per the spec.

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the ladder....

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I ran a simulation and got 0. 9999999997 pentium designers...

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1. 99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical more...

REAL STORIES OF THE NON-TECHNICAL

    I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.   The person whoanswered said, "Bob is on vacation.   Would you like to hold?"
    I worked with an individual who plugged theirpower strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why theircomputer would not turn on.
"Do you know anythingabout this fax-machine?"
"A little.   What'swrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient calledback to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page.   I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it byaccident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
    I recently saw a distraught young lady weepingbeside her car.   "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have more...